ARGH!

Can you tell me what's wrong with this picture?


I mean aside from the fact that I'm wearing no makeup in a picture posted for the entire world to see, and that maybe I'm deluding myself into thinking that my arms are as toned as they were back in high school....

Maybe a different picture would help.


Well, yes, the color pooling of the varigated yarn is a little unfortunate, now that you mention it, but that's not what's bothering me today.

You see, I simply adore this top, and I'm completely willing to overlook the teeny bit of randomness introduced by the varigated yarn. Yes, yes, even though the dark blotches do fall right at the bust line.

It was, after all, the first garment* I ever knitted, and it taught me a lot.

*For purposes of this post, "garment" excludes hats, scarves, and socks. Hats and scarves don't have to be particularly fitted, you see, and I have had good success with socks. Socks and I get along. (Except that they need to be knitted on such small needles that they make my wrists ache and my fingers get blisters...)

The pattern is "Smooch" from Rowan's All Seasons Cotton Collection.

To complete "Smooch," I had to learn how to become competent at:
1. ...shaping
2. ...seaming
3. ...binding off with a comfortable level of elasticity
4. (and this is the crucial one) ... following someone else's written instructions. Exactly.

I was already off on the wrong foot with my yarn choice. It wasn't All Season's Cotton. It was Fantasy Naturale. I'd found it on sale.

I did a lot of ripping before I figured out the instructions, but eventually I learned, and the knitting progressed swiftly.

To the astute among you who have noticed the rather "quirky" finishing technique on the shoulder seams: that's a design feature, not a flaw. (The distinction between the two is that I made a decision when I put the thing together that I could deal with lumpy, bulky, obvious seams better than I could deal with trying to figure out how to sew the bloody things together properly. It stays on, doesn't it?)

One more illustration should do...


In the year and some odd months since Smooch was completed, it and I have grown close. I have worn it many times. I have hand-washed it with loving care, and have laid it out with reverent appreciation each time to dry flat.

This time should have been no different.

And yet... something unfathomable occurred. An error of such magnitude caught my attention that never again will I be able to look at this top without seeing this glaring anomaly. Never again will I wear this triumph of worksmanship without wondering how many of the people I meet are struck dumb by the realization that there is something Just Not Right about the garment that I am wearing.

You see, one of the eyelets on the neckline is not in line.

I think it thought I wouldn't notice. That it could be rebellious and no one would care. It must have switched places with it's neighboring stitch some time between the last wearing and this wash.

It's simply not possible that I formed it in the wrong position! Look at the rest of the worksmanship, after all! The "v"s at the waist all line up like they should. The V neck lays properly! The shaping is accurate! This PROVES I can follow directions, doesn't it?! It simply COULDN'T have been my fault! I would have ripped back and fixed it!! ARGH!

Eyelets are devious.