Another Hobby Blog

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Self Portrait Tuesday: Cars In The Morning...

This picture just kinda sums up how I've been feeling for the past few weeks, or even months:

I walked out my front door one day to go to a doctor's appointment, and that's what I found. Some time earlier that morning a flock of intestinally challenged Canada Geese seem to have flown right over both cars with exquisite aim.

It's an apt metaphor for how I'm feeling in *most* of the corners of my life right now.

On the other hand, there have been some wonderful and generous people who are bringing rays of sunshine into an otherwise gloomy time of my life! :) I've already thanked Indie for her wonderful gift, and my SP8 spoiler who has been very very wonderful, sending e-mails every few days or so just to remind me that time is passing and she's still out there. :) Can't tell you how much that has meant lately! ... and Mia who sent some beautiful yarn (and as soon as I can find out where it got put, I will post pictures of it!)

And since then there have been more:
Marg, my Spectrum Postcard swap pal, for instance. .. I need to get pictures of the wonderful package she sent me!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Post #200: Cause To Celebrate...

After twelve solid hours of hard discussion yesterday, some of it fierce, much of it painful, all of it exhausting, it seems that a *very* important friendship has been pulled back from the edge of extinction. It is in critical care right now, but its prognosis for recovery seems strong. And that, my friends, is a very good reason to celebrate.

Since my knee injury in February, and especially so since April, my constant decision for every single moment of every single day has been, "What is *the* single most important thing I could be doing right now?" Yesterday, for twelve solid hours, that decision was consistently: talking this through. Today, my first choice of the morning (I know it's almost 1pm. I had the luxury of sleeping in.) is to write this post. To declare to the world and to all my friends as witness how much I appreciate her investment in me and in us.

Yesterday's talk was not easy on either of us. I know how difficult it was on me... and it's hard to imagine, but I have to allow, that perhaps it was even more difficult on her. I treasure her for that. I treasure her for giving up an entire day to this cause with the outcome so very uncertain. I treasure her for the compromises she has made along the way.. evident in the extreme yesterday, but now I see echoes stretching back before that as well. Echoes I may have missed because their footprint was so light... but which nonetheless made an impression I can look back on and see from this current vantage. I treasure her for asking for her needs and desires and for letting me say "yes" or "I'll try" to them.

I appologize for needing something she finds almost impossible to give, and I tell her right now, in this public forum, yesterday you gave it and let no one convince you different. I feel heard. I feel respected. I feel important. I am also uncertain and wary and frightened that this feeling won't hold--that some new hardship will come along and damage it. But right now I feel I have everything I need to set the past aside and move forward with confidence and trust. I truly hope she can say the same, and if there is something more I need to give, I will do my utmost to give it.

And it matters. What you were able to give yesterday matters more than I can put into words right now and healed some very deep very old wounds you were never responsible for. I am sorry for the cost. Very sorry for the cost. I hope that knowing you made a difference (make a difference) helps repay it.

Even if the friendship fades, ... or (I think) even if it falls apart dramatically, yesterday matters. Today matters. All your efforts before yesterday matter. And now they have someplace within me to connect and to be treasured. I'm sorry you had to build the shadow-box to hold them all. I treasure you for doing so.

As I wander through my house today, tiding things as I can (I've taken a couple of tea-breaks throughout this post, trying to fit my thoughts and feelings to words) I have re-encountered several little flowers in various stages of drying. Every day we have spent time together in the past couple of weeks she has brought me a little wildflower, and I have set them carefully aside, unsure what to do with them or even what they meant. Today I know that they meant she never gave up. Today I know they meant she still had hope. Today I know they meant I was valued and treasured all along, more than I could feel.

The little flowers mean more to me today than they did when they were given. .. And they meant more to me when they were given than I could have grasped or put into words. Thank you.

In the midst of all this recent turmoil, I missed my friend's birthday. It hurt both of us very deeply. She wanted me there. I wanted to be there. Miscommunication Gremlins and some serious physical pain won out that weekend, and everyone suffered. She didn't have the birthday she wanted, nor the one I would have planned. But she did have other friends with her, so I am very glad she did not lose out completely.

If you haven't already, please stop by her blog and tell her happy birthday. If you already have, please stop by and give her a hug. She's been through as rough a time as I have lately, and she still managed to be there for me. I'll be having another try at celebrating her birthday and our friendship this weekend (and for the next couple weeks, really... it's a huge cause for celebration, after all!). Sunday evening if you are one of the fortunate few who could make it in person (contact me for details.) If you're afar or unable to attend, I'll gather up notes and cards and giftieee stuff for her if you mail them to me. (e-mail at: peacockschallenge at hotmail dot com.) Address them to (or subject line) "Best Friend" .. help me make up for her shattered birthday? and for our nearly-shattered (shattered and repaired, really) friendship? Thank you.

Bethieee, I love you, I'm glad that you're here. I'm very lucky to have you as a best friend. Thank you.

Oh S! I'm missing a doctor's appointment. Gotta go!!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Post 199: I'm doing Okay for now..

Thank you all so much for caring and for your thoughts and comfort--even the ones that went unmentioned. :) Believing that this blog and its readership are a social buoy, connection point, made a difference and helped me get through a very difficult week.

On the lighter side, the troubles I was coping with got settled out just barely enough and barely in time to allow the basic enjoyment of the NWRSA Annual Conference! (NorthWest Regional Spinners Association. The conference was close to home this year, in Tacoma, WA.)

I got to spin. I managed to tolerate the loud noises and constant energy. (I really don't care much for large groups lately). Bethieee was a good companion throughout the weekend. She really put a lot of energy and focus into being comfortable with me, and supportive of my needs and weaknesses, and I really appreciate that.

Bethieee and I shared a dorm room for the conference as planned and she helped me with all sorts of little things throughout the weekend-- for which I am extremely appreciative. My wheel is heavy with this injury! Bethieee was kind enough to carry it for me whenever it needed to be moved. Trays of food are really awkward to carry around while walking with a cane! She helped me carry what I couldn't, and walked slowly so I didn't have to walk alone.

It was good.

I'm currently exhausted. We got home at about 4pm today, and I went to sleep almost immediately. I woke up to put an ice pack on my ankle (which REALLY did not like that much walking!) and to take some painkillers. I'm fading fast now, and I'm going to be going back to sleep soon. But I wanted to say Hi and thank you. :) I want you to know that for now I am okay again.

... I'd like to get around to thriving soon, and I'm definitely falling short of that goal.. but I'm okay, and It feels like that assessment rests on a good foundation that isn't in threat of slipping anytime soon.

Hugs all.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Post 198: Things Are Patched For Now...

...which is good because this weekend is the NWRSA Spinning and Fiber conference, and both Bethieee and I would really like to enjoy it. :) We've both been looking forward to this conference for more than a year, and earlier this week the prospect of really being able to connect with it looked rather grim.

Fortunately, some things were worked out in the bare nick of time, and here we both are, sharing a room, looking forward to tomorrow's spinning workshops.

I even brought a laptop with and have obtained access to a wireless network! So it looks like we will even be able to make (text only) posts from here! :)

Hugs all. Thank you for every single kind word and encouragement along the way.