Knee Injury: Update-Surgery Planned

Oh! before I forget... I have a date scheduled for my knee surgery: August 17. I'm not sure how long I will be off my feet afterward--we won't know for certain until the surgeon gets a look at the inside of my knee with the arthroscopic tools. Recovery time depends upon how much needs to be mended, and he won't know that for certain until he's inside.

Thank you so much to the generous folk who have sent me sock yarn to knit during my recovery!! I have been hoarding those particular skeins, guarding them quite jealously! They are special skeins endowed with extra love and will help with the healing process quite certainly! Pictures soon! ;)

It's been a while since the knee injury occurred, so I'll quickly cover what happened: I went skiing in February and took an unfortunate fall on the slopes. My left anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) was destroyed completely (as shown in an MRI taken in mid-April), my miniscus was torn, several tendons and muscles were strained, and I got a bone-bruise. The pain was quite intense at the time, and tapered off incredibly slowly. At the moment, the pain is only about a 1 on the 1 to 10 scale, so I'm getting along pretty well (physically speaking) these past 6 or so weeks, but on the other hand, my emotional well-being has been seriously depleted by a horrific string of events culminating in my being deliberately excluded from my best friend's going-away party. (hence the self-portrait image of the broken spindle. .. it's the closest thing I could find to the way I *feel* right now. ... and yes, I can mend the spindle. .. but does anyone have advice on how to mend the broken heart?)

Beth has moved out completely now, taking Zhenya (the dog) with her. She is headed to Virginia for pharmacy school, and the house is quiet. No Beth, no dog. Eerily quiet. .. but also restful.

Fortunately, the friend I stayed with in Portland last week let me bring her bunny home with me to bunny-sit while she travels a bit. Bunny cuddles don't quite make up for a missing friend and a missing dog, but they do ease the transition a bit.

hugs all.. see you again early next week. I have so MUCH to post about! ...and finally starting to feel like I can start posting again.

Dye Workshop

Home only briefly, back out again today for an all-day dye workshop tomorrow and Saturday. Dye workshop is through my NWRSA chapter (Northwest Regional Spinner's Association) and will be taught by none other than Judith MacKenzie McCuin! I had a chance to take her spinning wheel mechanics class at Black Sheep Gathering a few weeks ago and am now quite excited to take another workshop with her!

Hugs all.. see you early next week.

Self-Portrait Tuesday

Does it spin any better when the damage is accidental?

As You Can Probably Guess...

...from my lack of posts since last time...
Things failed to go smoothly. I really don't want to get into the details, but as it's 98% of my life right now, it's difficult to post about much else.

Nonetheless, I have been reminded that I have some committments to post at least once a week. Fortunately, the SP8 hostess who sent the reminder, also sent a thoughtful prompt to help me with my quandry: what could I possibly post about right now, given my current circumstances:

So here ya go, get these posted!

1. What is your favorite season of the year and why?
Late spring is my favorite season, when the air is starting to get warm enough to wear short sleeved crop-tops and flowy skirts, but there is still a crisp cool breeze that plays with my hair. The flowers start to bloom, there is frequent light rain, the beaches are not yet crowded, and the neighborhood children are still in school.

2. Summer is hot. What do you knit in the summer?
Summer is a challenge because of the heat and the perspiration. Both knitting and spinning suffer. Silk blends seem impossible to spin as they matt up and stick to my hands. But it's pleasant enough to knit with!

I like bright colors and medium shades as they don't collect as much dirt. I like knitting with cotton in the summer. I seem to be perpetually trying to finish in the summer the "summer top" I started in early spring. This year I started the top in early May, but because of the things that have been going on in my life lately, that project got set aside for awhile, and I am only just now entertaining the notion of picking it back up again. There is always the perpetual pair of socks on the needles, regardless of season. (The particular pair changes, but there is always at least one pair in the works.) ...

As summer progresses, I start to think of the Renaissance Faires and preparations for them. One of the pair of socks on needles is usually for faire, in the hopes that I will complete it in time to wear it this year. So far I have knitted faire socks for Beth and for Keith, but not finished any for myself. Will this year be different?


I also start thinking of what I'd like to enter at the county and/or state fairs. I'm beginning to give up hope that the skein of yarn I wanted to complete will be done in time for this year, but I do have a knitted shawl completed to enter, and possibly another project or two that are already complete or that I can hope to finish in time.

3. If money was no object.....what would you buy at the LYS?
If money (and other concerns) were no object, I might well BUY the LYS. ;)

If money were no object, I might buy a new floor loom, another spinning wheel, a knitting machine... a new home to put it all in. (wait, they don't carry those at the LYS. drat) .... ummmm.... there are always books I am drooling after to add to my library, there are some gorgeous to-die-for expensive yarns I wouldn't mind bringing home in abundance.... or maybe just a basic yarn in *abundance* so that I can dare myself to try a cabled aran sweater just to say I've done it? ... I think I'd make it for Keith rather than for myself, but who knows? ... and workshops. Workshops and classes galore. If time and money were no object. I just love learning new techniques and new approaches and new skills. :)

4. What are some activities that have become family traditions for your family?
That's tough. One family tradition that we started (and then seem to have abandoned) was painting one of those paint-it-yourself ceramic plates together. One for each year. ... we completed one plate and got halfway through a second, but never even started the third. ..I feel sad about it, but maybe one day I will finish them myself just to complete the tradition.

Rennaisance Faire has been a yearly tradition since I met my husband, and I am hoping that we do not have to miss out completely on it this year because of my knee injury and upcoming surgery and recovery. I really like the chance to make the historical (-ly inspired) hand-knit and hand-woven garments, and the opportunity to really show them off in a setting where they will be appreciated.

Norwescon Science-Fiction/Fantasy convention is another yearly tradition. This past April my experience was seriously compromised by my torn knee, but I managed to find enjoyment in it nonetheless.

Visiting each of our family sets once a year (or so) lets us travel to some wonderful locations, and catch up with people we care about. As the family sets grow, though, the timing and frequency become more challenging!

My personal traditions (for travel) include: visiting the LYS's when possible, and spending time at the local public libraries. :) It's wonderful to get a chance to take notes from crafting books that are not carried in the libraries close to home.

5. What is the weather right now?
97 degrees F, partly cloudy in Portland, OR where I am staying with a similarly fiber-obsessed friend. :)
(96.1 degrees F, and clear, at home in Issaquah, WA where I am currently not.)

The house has no air-conditioning, and I am staying up in the attic (heat rises) so it is probably about 85 degrees at the moment, and I am trying to stay cool by drinking ice water and by evaporative cooling from a recent shower (long hair Rocks!) I also have a little portable fan which helps circulate the air a bit.

I should be home again around August 1. I should be able to start posting pictures and knitting content again around then.

hugs all.

SP8, Thank You!!

Today has been a better day than most, lately. Last night a friend spent some time with me and gave me some support that I *very* much have needed. I cannot thank him enough.

Today I have been in a fog: dealing with the upwellings of emotion that occur when things that have been stopped up of necessity become suddenly freed because someone has given a safe space and comfort and a willingness to be there when needed and for as long as it takes.

I have had many people offer support throughout the past five months. Some of the support aided dramatically, some just barely kept me going. All of it was important, even (perhaps especially) the things that I had no idea were being done. I do not want anyone thinking gave and offered was not treasured.

But yesterday I had a friend give not just the best he could manage, but *exactly* the support that I need in the format I can comprehend. Having had his support yesterday... full support: a shoulder to cry on, shaking off anything horrid I could say, hugs, giving recognition, hearing me, Understanding me (capital U understand), believing me, offering encouragement and reassurance... and knowing that, if I need to, I can call him for that support again, I have found myself flooded with all the emotions that I had worked through over the past weeks and months all over again. ... but this time with the reassurance that I am not going through it alone this time.

It's been a rough day, and I've been moving at half speed. but it's also been a productive day both emotionally and environmentally. I got my kitchen clean, for instance. ;)

When Keith came home, he brought the day's mail with him. To my unbounded joy and surprise, there was a box from my SP8!! She'd said one had been sent and that it should arrive by the weekend, but in all the inner turmoil, I'd forgotten!! What a wonderful happy moment! What a fabulous reward for all the work I put in today. :)

I'm busy this weekend, but when I get back to the computer next week (and provided that I do not get swept down by despair again), I plan to post pictures of the absolutely fabulous contents of the box. (And of the wonderful blue sock yarn that came in from my Spectrum Sock Yarn Swap partner!! Wait til you see what came with the yarn! ohmigosh! It's fabulous!!) ((and of all the pictures I've been promising, for that matter... It might take a few days to complete the task, now that I think about it...)

hugs
--Peacock

I Know I Should Be Posting More Regularly...

I have not had the words, or the heart. I know that you have been patient, loving, supportive... and some day I hope to be back.

Right now, I am struggling.

I have written a poem. I do not write them often.

Rebirth
2006 July 13

I am destroyed inside.
Devastated
Shattered
Like an ice floe
shifting
cracking
splitting.
There are parts of me
Drifting off
Drifting away
On the currents.
Bits of me
and I am powerless to prevent it.
Bits of me
some meaningless
bits of personality
of affectation
of coping strategy
of things that I treasured
of people that I loved.
Drifting away
as I watch
helpless
hopeless
forlorn.
Powerless to stop it.
Powerless to stop
the shifting
the fractures
the drifting
the loss.
Most of it does not matter.
It did matter
It was me.
But now it is not
and it will not matter.
I will become something new.
Emerge from this devastation
this destruction
this loss
And I will be someone I do not know yet
could not choose to be
cannot prevent becoming.
I hope I will like
who I become.
But sometimes
the pieces that shift
and crack
and drift
and are lost
are not just affectation
or personality
or friend.
Sometimes the pieces
that shift
and crack
and drift off whle I watch helplessly
flailing in despair
are bits of my Soul.
compassion
empathy
faith
belief.
And I am afraid for who I will become.
I hope it is someone I like.

Quick Thanks...

(better thanks to follow)

Hey, Sock Saviour! Yes, they came in! :) Yes, they FIT! :) Yes, I LOVE them! And thank you for the sock yarn and the pattern!!! I am really excited about getting them onto the needles soon. :)

Hey, SP8! Thank you for the package!!! I absolutely *adore* the lace pattern and am excited to find out whether I indeed live up to the title of "experienced" knitter! Especially when it comes to knitting an unfamiliar lace pattern in mohair! eep! ripping back will be quite a challenge, so here's hoping I don't make mistakes! ;) ... and I absolutely ADORE the purple alpaca!! I am thinking maybe a scarf for winter? hmmm... right now just dreaming and cuddling the yarn. And thank you *SO* much for your get-well cards and your e-mails.. they help. they really do.

Hey, Sock-yarn-swap partner! The blue yarn arrived two days ago (? .. I'm having trouble keeping track of time these days. I'm really behind on a lot of things lately.) I love it! It's such a cheery bright blue color, and it still smells like KoolAid! I have to keep it up off the floor or the dog carries it off and slobbers on it. And the posters!! oh wow are the posters awesome! Thank you!!!

...and that's about as much cheeriness as I can maintain right now. I'm in a slump, and I am trying hard to just keep dealing with what comes.

If there is anyone else who has sent me things since...well, since February, maybe, but definitely since Easter... if I've forgotten you, please let me know so I can get a proper thank you out.

I'm sorry for the long silence. .. but believe me, it's probably better than hearing me talk right now. I'll be back when I can be positive again.

hugs
Peacock