I Know I Should Be Posting More Regularly...

I have not had the words, or the heart. I know that you have been patient, loving, supportive... and some day I hope to be back.

Right now, I am struggling.

I have written a poem. I do not write them often.

Rebirth
2006 July 13

I am destroyed inside.
Devastated
Shattered
Like an ice floe
shifting
cracking
splitting.
There are parts of me
Drifting off
Drifting away
On the currents.
Bits of me
and I am powerless to prevent it.
Bits of me
some meaningless
bits of personality
of affectation
of coping strategy
of things that I treasured
of people that I loved.
Drifting away
as I watch
helpless
hopeless
forlorn.
Powerless to stop it.
Powerless to stop
the shifting
the fractures
the drifting
the loss.
Most of it does not matter.
It did matter
It was me.
But now it is not
and it will not matter.
I will become something new.
Emerge from this devastation
this destruction
this loss
And I will be someone I do not know yet
could not choose to be
cannot prevent becoming.
I hope I will like
who I become.
But sometimes
the pieces that shift
and crack
and drift
and are lost
are not just affectation
or personality
or friend.
Sometimes the pieces
that shift
and crack
and drift off whle I watch helplessly
flailing in despair
are bits of my Soul.
compassion
empathy
faith
belief.
And I am afraid for who I will become.
I hope it is someone I like.